


Songs of Joy and Pain

by ShadowHaloedAngel



Series: One Knight Stands [2]
Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Camaraderie, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Honour, Mandalore the Avenger, Mandalorian, Mandalorian Culture, Mando'a, Odessen (Star Wars), Post-Battle, Star Wars: The Old Republic - Knights of the Fallen Empire, Star Wars: The Old Republic - Knights of the Fallen Empire Spoilers, cantina fic, kotfe, warrior culture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-03
Updated: 2019-11-03
Packaged: 2021-01-21 06:29:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21295055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowHaloedAngel/pseuds/ShadowHaloedAngel
Summary: Senya has heard a lot about Mandalore the Avenger, but she hasn't yet met their new ally. After the battle of Darvannis, she is enjoying a quiet night in the cantina on Odessen, watching the Alliance around her and thinking, when a new friend sits on the next bar stool. It transpires they have a lot in common.
Relationships: Senya Tirall/Shae Vizla
Series: One Knight Stands [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1391332
Comments: 5
Kudos: 9





	Songs of Joy and Pain

**Author's Note:**

> There's a brief glossary of some of the Mando'a at the end, the parts that aren't translated in text. I hope the sentiment comes through in context anyway.

The cantina on Odessen was one of the few places available for Alliance personnel to socialise. As much as she enjoyed her own space, Senya found that she was surprisingly comfortable there. Nights in the cantina were useful in a number of ways. She appreciated being able to settle in a quiet booth and be something approaching anonymous, and she appreciated too what she could learn about both the Republic and the Empire through observation. She had learned while on patrol as a member of the Knights, of course, particularly when she had moved to take missions which took her as far from Zakuul as possible, but it was different to be able to study people in such close quarters, and under such different circumstances too. 

In some ways it reminded her of the camaraderie of the Knights, though that had been hard to participate in fully. She had been Valkorion's bodyguard, and then his consort, and then finally she had removed herself from him and her children entirely, feeling that she had no other choice. There had been a level of comradeship even then, because the Knights respected her. Valkorion had trained them well, to respect not only rank, but ability, and she had been fortunate enough to have achieved her rank through ability. For most, that had been enough.

Even when she moved on to distant patrols, she had still been a commander rather than just another rank-and-file, and even in the military that had necessitated a degree of division. She could drink with her Knights, let her hair down a little, but there were limits going both ways. She had to maintain her authority, and her Knights had enough respect for that authority to perhaps not let off all their steam in her presence. 

When she had joined up with Lana, things had been a little different, although there had still been plenty of time spent in cantinas, often of the more disreputable sort. Technically speaking, she had been a fugitive, but she didn't believe that her son, now Emperor, would waste any of his resources looking for her. She suspected he barely remembered her existence. It would have been a reasonable assumption to assume that she had died on one of those patrols. It would hardly have merited headlines after she stepped down from that lofty height of the Emperor's consort. She might have been the Emperor's mother now, but he had no love for her. Her worth to the Eternal Empire was as a Knight, and nothing more. 

Now she was comparatively anonymous, and she quite liked it that way. There were those who knew her, of course, Koth being a prime example, but for most of the Imperial and Republic personnel, she was nobody. They knew that she was important, there was no secret that she was a high-level defector from Zakuul who was included in the War Room briefings, but here in the cantina at least they didn't give her a second look. Watching them drink, together and apart, she could see the familiar bonds of comradeship between those who had obviously served together and knew each other well, but she could see too the nascent bonds between those who even now wore different coloured armour. 

It did quite a lot to give her hope. 

Of course, the Alliance itself was one of the more... unusual gatherings she had encountered. It was strange to think back and realise how little species diversity there had been on Zakuul. Knowing what she knew now about the Empire, about where Valkorion had come from when he had still gone by the name of Vitiate - The Commander told her that even before that he had been known as Tenebrae - it made sense. Her time with the Alliance had brought her into contact with more races than even her time with the Knights, patrolling the very farthest reaches of Zakuulan space, and occasionally even straying beyond. 

She had met Mirialans, Miralukas, Hutts, Sullustans, Voss, Twi'leks, Devaronians, Weequays, Selonians, Bothans, Chiss, Cathar, Togruta, Zabraks, Rattataki, Advoze, Evocii, Neimoidians, Nikto, Rodians, Kaleesh, Jawas, Selkaths, Talz, Trandoshans, Ugnaughts, Gand, Wookiees and even pure blood Sith, among others. Seeing the diversity of the rest of the galaxy, seeing their determination to fight even in the face of such impossible odds had helped to strengthen her own drive. 

As much as she felt at home here, there were times when everything seemed so foreign. The egalitarian approach The Commander insisted on was entirely unfamiliar, and yet it was one that all of these military personnel from such different backgrounds, from warring factions, seemed to be comfortable with. From the stories Senya had overheard about where many of them had come from, the time they had served under the woman who was now The Commander before, she could perhaps understand it... and yet she longed for the familiarity of the Knights. She could talk a little to the Jedi, and to the Sith. It was interesting discovering where the teachings of the Knights lay in respect of the two longstanding traditions of the galaxy outside of the narrow confines of Zakuulan society and reach, but the Force was too much of a tool for her to wish for hours of long philosophical discussions about the nature of it. 

She liked the Commander, very much, and she liked Lana and even Theron, but there was nobody with whom she felt the kind of bond she had once had in her old life.

There was a new arrival to the Council that sat in the War Room though, seemingly an old ally from what Senya had gathered, although she didn't yet have enough information from which to draw a conclusion. What she did know predisposed her to like her. 

Shae Vizla, Mandalore The Avenger, had recently arrived on Odessen. From what Senya had heard, her relationship with the Commander dated back to the same time as most of these troops, or at least those that had been here since the beginning. The Knights had always assumed the Mandalorians were primitive and uncivilised, although any encounter with Mandalorians had always cost them more than any Zakuulan intelligence suggested should have been the case. Senya had felt, before she had given it a great deal of thought, that Mandalorians were worthy of respect in the same way a hunter respects its prey. Given the success of the raid on the droid factory on Darvannis, Senya was certainly willing to reassess her previous impressions. 

As she was considering all of these things, sitting quietly in the slowly emptying cantina, she became aware of a new arrival pulling the stool out next to her and settling on it. 

"Oya, please tell me you've got some proper tihaar in here. I'm not holding my breath. Like so many things, Mandos do it best."

The bartender filled a glass with clear liquid, and Shae lifted it, toasting the ceiling. 

"Mar'e... K'oyacyi!"

She threw it back and nodded for a refill, while Senya looked on, an amused smile dancing on her lips. 

As she waited for her glass to be refilled, Shae turned to her. It was strange to see her without her helmet, and yet Senya recognised her without a doubt. Under the lights of the cantina, her long red hair blazed like a curtain of flame, and this close Senya could see the wrinkles around her eyes. It was hard to tell whether they were solely a sign of age, or also a marker of the harsh times she had faced. 

"You want some? Only real drink, proper Mandalorian tihaar. The fact that it's here is probably something we have Hylo to thank for. That or some of my boys raided the supplies. If we're going to be making camp here for a little while, fighting alongside all of you then there are some things that need to be done properly. When it comes to drinking and fighting, Mandalorians do it best."

"So I hear..." Senya replied, her voice low, but she was smiling all the same. 

"I hear we might have some competition when it comes to singing though..." Shae threw the next shot back and set the glass down, smiling as she regarded Senya. She gestured at the cantina. "This will be full of Mandalorians tonight. We have our remembering to do. It's a night of aay'han, remembrance and celebration after the battle. We won, and so we will drink and sing and celebrate and remember, and turn stories into songs so that sacrifices go unforgotten."

Senya nodded slowly. 

"That... sounds like a good tradition."

Shae smiled, a fierce grin of teeth and fire which Senya suddenly was glad to know was on their side. There was nothing menacing about her here, but the undercurrent of strength was undeniable, even without a connection to the Force. 

"It is. Kote is what matters. Not used to being part of a tsad, but needs must and we couldn't face down Zakuul on our own. Mandalorians believe in fighting with honour, but we aren't the ones that changed the rules. I've fought with this Commander before. I know her, I trust her. We're not disappearing into this Alliance but for now... our interests align, and that's enough. We'll fight with honour until our ways part. But aliit ori'shya tal'din, and to me at least... she is family. It was a call we were honoured to answer."

Senya nodded. 

"And we are glad to have you. So, you've heard about my singing voice... what else have you heard about me?"

Shae smiled, sipping the third glass rather than throwing it back, though Senya noticed it was once more empty when she set it down. 

"I suppose the main thing I have to say to you is the same I had to say about the Commander. Aliit ori'shya tal'din, vod. Family is more than bloodline. You can take that as you like."

Senya laughed, and when the bartender proferred the bottle Shae was drinking from, she nodded and accepted the small glass of clear liquid. She took a sniff and blinked a few times. 

"...Well, that's... potent."

Shae grinned. 

"Gar serim, but you know what it's like. K'atini ner vod, you can take it."

Senya chuckled. She might not have understood the words, but the sentiment was pretty clear, and she threw back the shot. It burned its way down, but even as it threatened to make her eyes water, it was surprisingly smooth. 

"Ah... well... that was... an experience."

Shae chuckled, low and warm, tracing the rim of her glass. 

"Drinking with Mandalorians often is, but I don't think one is going to leave you haryc b'aalyc."

"...Don't you worry about drinking with your men?"

Shae shook her head. 

"That's not how Mandalorians think. Besides, I can hold my tihaar. Want another one?"

Senya thought about it for a moment, then smiled. 

"...Why not?"

Shae nodded for the bartender to refill both glasses, then lifted hers. Senya copied her, echoing a moment behind as Shae led the toast. 

"K'oyacyi!"

She swallowed it down, and waited for the burn to pass. Shae chuckled. 

"Mandokarla. You've got the right stuff, ner vod. Back on Yavin, we had a proper celebration when everything was over and I led our friends in a toast. Theron was panting on the ground after one. Lana and the Commander both handled it better, but neither of them was in a hurry to have a second."

"I can see that..."

Shae nodded, watching her for a long moment in silence. Senya waited, in no hurry to break it. She knew when she was being assessed, and she had confidence in her ability to measure up. She was worthy, and confident in that. She also understood the importance of weighing up comrades and assessing situations, particularly when things were unknown. She respected Shae's reputation, and if Shae thought well enough of her to want to make a proper assessment, then Senya took that as the compliment it was, rather than considering it an insult. 

When she spoke again, it was quiet, and the intimacy of it took Senya by surprise. She felt almost... exposed to be so seen, but it wasn't an unwelcome feeling. It was simply that it had been a long time since anyone had considered her worthy of such consideration. 

"...So, ner vod... Tion'ad hukaat'kama?"

"I'm sorry? Your language is... beautiful, but it's new to me."

Shae chuckled, setting her once more empty glass back on the bad. 

"Who's watching your back?"

Senya shrugged. 

"I suppose if anyone is, then the Commander. Lord Beniko too, Agent Shan, inasmuch as he watches everyone's back, I think."

Shae nodded, but she wasn't laughing now, instead there was a deep sincerity to her, and Senya realised what it meant to be confronted with someone who regarded honour as a fundamental tenet of existence, rather than something which could perhaps be more flexible. 

"That sounds lonely."

Senya paused a moment, then nodded, throwing back the liquid in her now-full glass. It was getting smoother with practice, and she could feel the warmth of it settling into her bones. She could certainly understand the attraction. 

"...It can be."

Shae nodded slowly, draining her own glass. Her hand was strangely warm when it came to rest on Senya's arm, just for a brief moment. The ex-Knight could feel it, even through her armour. 

"...Stay with us tonight. Drink and laugh and sing with us. We'll teach you how to sing real songs. We all have things to mourn for, so tonight is about... aay'han. We mourn, we celebrate, and tomorrow is another day."

Senya watched her, eyes locked on Shae's, struck dumb for a moment by the unexpected intimacy in them. Shae was a warrior, just like she was, and it was strange to feel such a kinship with a woman she had just met, even if her reputation had preceded her. It felt like there was another level to this, an undercurrent of want that Senya was utterly transfixed by. She didn't feel she could say no, even if she wanted to... and she didn't want to. She wanted this, instead, the liberation of comradeship and a chance to set aside the burden of command and authority for a little while, whatever might happen with this strange tension between her and Shae. 

"...I'd like that. Thank you. How do you say thank you?"

Shae smiled. 

"Vor'e, ner vod."

Senya tilted her head and tried it, tasting the word on her tongue. 

"Vor'e..."

Shae smiled, sipping her drink. 

"Ori'jate. Mandokarla, ner vod."

"What does that mean, when you call me ner vod?"

"I'm calling you my sister. My comrade. How does that sound to you?"

Senya nodded slowly, considering, then smiled. 

"...It sounds good. Vor'e, ner vod. Let's see where the night goes."

"Gar serim!"

Shae laughed, and held up her refilled glass. After a moment, Senya copied her, and together the two of them toasted in unison.

"K'oyacyi!"

~

The next morning, Senya woke early enough that the light outside was still grey. She was pleasantly surprised by the lack of headache considering how much she remembered drinking the night before. She took a moment to stare at the bare rock of the ceiling, then rolled over to be confronted by bare, creamy skin, criss-crossed with scars next to her, veiled in flame-silk hair. Ah. So that was how the evening had ended. Pausing now, she could remember more, snatches of tihaar-flavoured kisses, heat and want and... understanding. There were certainly worse ways for the evening to have ended. 

Unable quite to stop herself, she reached out and traced her fingers lightly down the line of Shae's spine, smiling when Shae reached a hand back to catch hers and hold it in place. 

"Mmm... good morning, cyar'ika..."

Senya smiled. 

"That one's new..."

"It's a term of affection. Not that this means there has to be anything more between us. I'm happy to call you ner vod and leave it at that."

Senya nodded slowly. 

"Vor'e... I don't... know that I'm ready for more than that? But last night was... good. It was healing."

Shae chuckled, rolling over onto her back in the sheets, arms folded behind her head. 

"Told you, ner vod. Mandos do it best."

Senya nodded and brushed her fingers over Shae's stomach now. The warrior let her, watching her with something like affection. 

"...Who were you, before you were Mandalore?"

The words tumbled out before Senya could stop them, and immediately she wished she could take them back as Shae froze beneath her. After a moment though, she relaxed, and there was still a smile on her face and no sign of anger. Her eyes were serious though. 

"...We don't talk about that, ner vod. Being a Mandalorian is a way of life, and we say... Cin vhetin. It means white snow. When you take up the armour... who you were before, what you did, it doesn't matter anymore. What matters is strength, honour, loyalty... That is who I am. That is what it means to be a Mandalorian."

Senya nodded slowly, fingers still playing lightly over Shae's skin. 

"...A fresh start. That makes a lot of sense, thank you. It's not entirely unlike this alliance, I suppose. But I have things to atone for first, before I can even think about that kind of thing. My family has done a lot of hurt to this galaxy. I need to do what I can to fix that."

Shae nodded, shifting again to cover Senya's hand with her own once more. 

"You do what you need to do, ner vod. But you've got the right stuff. Mandokarla. If you're ready, when all of this is over... cin vhetin. We'll be waiting."

Senya smiled, and leaned in to share one more lazy kiss before she rose to start the day. 

"...I'll remember that."

**Author's Note:**

> Oya - Let's go  
Mar'e - At last  
K'oyacyi - Cheers  
Aay'han - bittersweet moment of mourning and joy - "remembering and celebration"   
Kote - glory, might  
Tsad - alliance  
Vod/Ner vod - comrade/brother/sister, my comrade/brother/sister/friend  
Gar serim - That's it  
K'atini - Suck it up  
Haryc b'aalyc - "tired and emotional" (drunk)  
Mandokarla - You've got the right stuff  
Ori'jate - very good


End file.
